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Mar 26th, 2020 by alexfaye

Such a challenging moment. I think it is right and appropriate to be grieving right now, but in our upbeat culture, we’re pushing forward with that great determined American spirit. And of course, we must push forward. As teachers, people are relying on us.

Nonetheless, I find myself swimming in deep, choppy waters.  I recently read a piece by Richard Rohr about the Dark Emotions.  Despite the whiff of condescension in this comment, it resonated:  

While those who are frightened by the primal energy of dark emotions try to avoid them, becoming more and more cut off from the world at large, those who are willing to wrestle with angels break out of their isolation by dirtying their hands with the emotions that rattle them most.

I am rattled.

I am worried for a friend.  And beyond that, I am afraid of two things:  the trajectory of the virus, and the shortage of medical care for the wave that is directly in front of us.  And the real possibility that Donald Trump has a good and legitimate reason to suspend November elections.  (Did you know that his approval numbers are up? Because he stands up and lies on TV every day?)  Many states have a mail-in voting system, but not all 50 states.  And there is inadequate money in this new bill to make the election safe from COVID19.  Why aren’t people freaking out about this?

In another sense, I am completely fine.  I’ve been walking, practicing yoga, cooking, baking, cleaning, and packing a few things up.  I have writing to work on, and my creative projects are whispering to me from backstage.

Sheltered in Place, Day 9
Mar 26th, 2020 by alexfaye

I am living in slow motion here in my little house. Everything has come to a grinding halt, and like everyone, I am spending an inordinate amount of time staring at screens: iPhone, laptop, television. Yoga practice comes through a screen; my meditation experiences begin through an app, and now my social experiences? People are ZOOMing happy hours, getting the brief respite a friendly face can bring.

I worry over it, even as a sit in front of this keyboard, reading and writing for hours at a time. Is this the way we are to live? Barefoot and in our robes at 2:30 in the afternoon, looking out at the world, the COVID19 numbers, and thinking about what comes next? “It’s going to get worse before it gets better,” say the experts.

I might seem glum, but in truth, the smiling, super-productive people worry me. (I don’t begrudge anyone the fact that they got dressed. I could be taking things a little too far today.) It’s just that this is no time to be posting things on social media that makes it seem like the good times just don’t stop, and that stock-piled hand-sanitizer and toilet paper are going to carry us through unscathed. People are dying. In New York City, they are putting the dead in refrigerated trucks.

There is a purposeful way to live in a world rendered eerie and unrecognizable by a virus we cannot stop. For me, I think it involves getting off screens for a sizable part of the day.

Strange thing to be saying on the day that I resurrect my blog.

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